"IT" in the office.......

Ok, where was I? Oh yes, I was about to tell you about "it", otherwise known as Denise. But first let me go back a few short months. I started this job in January - it is now June. That's not a long time, but it's long enough for this fucking place! I hate it here!!! And this would be some people's dream job. I get paid good money and I barely have to do anything. In other words, I barely have anything to do!!!! Some people would be happy to sit here on their ass all day and get paid for it. I, however, cannot stand it. I am the type of person that does not do well with too much time on their hands. I start thinking of devious little tricks to play on everyone, like the time I cut out a picture of a gay hillbilly, found on the internet, in the shape of a heart and tacked it to one of the salesmen's bulletin board. Now, other people probably would have noticed, but this guy is SEVERELY A.D.D. and doesn't notice shit!!!! Our office is very busy and the people who you would find here are buying big ticket items and for the most part, they are pretty serious. This bulletin board is right over his head so when he has people sitting at his desk, this picture is pretty prominant. It was there for 3 of the busiest days I have seen in this place before one of the other guys felt sorry for him and took it down. I shouldn't pick on him, but he really brought it all on himself. You see, for a retard, he has a pretty quick wit - and he's funny too! But for some reason, he just got on my bad side. I dunno, maybe he made some smart-ass comment about me and everyone laughed, or maybe he talked down to me one day, or maybe I'm just feel threatened because I'M the funny one around here! Anyways, the dumb-ass tries getting me back by removing the cord from my phone, putting scotch tape around the end, and plugging it back in. So when I go to answer the phone........nothing. Well what the fuck do you think is the first thing you're gonna check if your phone was fine 3 minutes ago and now it suddenly isn't? DUH! It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure this one out. You ad me confused for all of oh, maybe 2 seconds? Great payback for the 3 DAYS of snickering and funny looks and such that you couldn't figure out. Ya really got me didn't you? Well, now it's on! I waited until he was out with a customer and I took 40 styrofoam cups and put them all on his desk. I then stapled them together and filled them up with water. Oh, it was priceless! And so worth the ass-chewing I got for it! So I can't wait to see how the moron tries to get me back. He'll probably remove my staples or something.........So anyways, I really did fit right in at first here but that didn't last long. My boss made me all these promises when he hired me and has yet to follow through. He keeps telling me to be patient, and I keep asking him to be honest - it's a vicious circle. Here's what the deal is: I got hired to answer the phones and do some other stuff around here that basically any ignoramus could do (well, A.D.D. boy might have a tough go of it). My boss asked me if I would be interested in the sales position since I do have an extensive sales background. Well, I told him I would like to see what the company is all about first since I was pretty burned-out on all the unethical sales practices in my last jobs. Once I got in and I saw what this company was about, I decided that I would be wasting my talent answering phones and that I would be stupid to pass up the opportunity. We set a target date of April for me to go to training. Next thing I know, my boss is telling me that he is a little behind schedule and he had hoped to have another salesperson up and running before I transitioned. Ok, I can deal with that, as long as I know that I still have the opportunity and he hasn't changed his mind about me (which he assured me was NOT the case). Just be patient he says I won't lead you astray. Ok, I have had guys tell me to trust them before and this sends up HUGE red flags and sirens (which I chose to ignore by the way). Well pretty soon there are 2 more guys hired, and I'm no mathemetician or anything, but we already have 3 salespeople and 5 offices. With 2 more guys, that pretty much takes up all available office space. So I ask him, "have you changed your mind?" - PERFECT opportunity for him to tell me the truth right? you would think so anyways. But no, he tells me (and I am not making this up) that they are going to build an addition on to the end of the building and my office will be in there. Now, if I had heard this story in relation to someone else, I would have laughed my ass off! But this is me here and I have this fuck face looking me straight in the eye and expecting me to believe this shit and I AM PISSED! Well things pretty much took a turn for the worse at this particular point and I lost it! Long story short, he offered me a promotion because one f the other girls is leaving. He TOLD me that she had found another job and that I would get a $1.50 raise for taking on her position. Ok, great! I'll take that! Yeah, I'm pumped now and really looking forward to this new position. I tell EVERYONE that I'm getting promoted! I'm walking on cloud nine for days! Then.........BLAM!!!! Reality hits! She's not quitting!!!! What the fuck.....? He has no explanation other than he "thought" she was quitting. I said "you mean she didn't say anything? You offered me her job on a hunch?" Well, that's all the explaining I get. So here I sit - 2 major letdowns in the space of 5 short months, not to mention how they intentionally leave me out of everything. They are such a tight knit little family here and they all have their heads up Denise's ass so far it's pitiful! But, I have to try to tell you about her when I get a chance next week............

What am I doing here?

Ok, I have never written a blog before and I can't imagine that anyone would want to read about my boring job, but I absolutely HAVE to do something to pass the time!!! This all started back in January when I found myself hating THAT job. But who could blame me for that one? The owners of the place I had been managing were having all sorts of personal problems ranging from infidelity to drug abuse to poor business ownersip. But that's a story for another time. Anyways, they lost the business and I took the first job that I could find which was as a bartender for Red Lobster. Let me give you a really good bit of advice - if you are considering a career with Red Lobster, DON'T!! I mean, ya, they enticed me with all their promises of a fun and stimulating work place, but the charm faded and I mean FAST! First of all, you would think that you would have an opportunity to make a lot of tips as a bartender in Red Lobster, but there's where you (and I) are wrong - way wrong! Now, I had just come from a manager's position of a restaurant and sports bar in a tiny (and by tiny, I mean a population of only a few thousand) town in western South Dakota. I pulled a bartending shift almost every night of the week and although my base wage sucked, I made great tips. So now that I am used to always having tip money from a job, I mistakenly think that I can't live without it. So I get this Red Lobster gig and it pays $1.50 more an hour, plus I THINK that I'm gonna be pullin in piles of cash each night. I'm thinking that if I can make the amount of tips I did in this small town then I can really make a lot at a famous restaurant 13 miles down the road in the teeming metropolis of Rapid City, South Dakota, ( population just shy of 70,000). Of course I first have to go through a training period. Let me tell ya, these people are serious about their training! These people are fanatics about how things are to be done! For two weeks I was schooled in the art of how to cut fruit and garnish a drink! Ok, I'm starting to get bored, but I'm thinking once I get on my own it will be a lot better (another in a series of wrong assumptions). So now I find myself working days with a woman who has been there for 18 years and has never elevated herself above bartender (actually, there are more than a few people who have worked there 18 to 20 years and are STILL waiting tables). Whatever tips we make are to be split between us, and there are not a lot of drinkers during the day. But I find myself not getting to concerned over this since I assume (see a pattern here?) that the wait staff will tip out the bartenders at the end of their shift. Oh how terribly wrong I was once again. It is not customary for the wait staff to tip out the bartenders in this place - they can if they want, but it's not mandatory - what a crock of shit! In all fairness though, I did get tipped out by one waitress at the end of a very vigorous Friday night shift. Yes, the little dear gave me a whole dollar fifty out of her $200 she made in tips. I was touched to say the least. I mean that's ALL I did the entire shift was make drinks for the wait staff and the stingy little bitch shows her appreciation for not EVER having to wait for a drink by giving me $1.50? Why? So I can finally purchasse that pack of gum I've had my eye on for so long? Well needless to say, but she aint gonna be getting such great service from this day on. So anyways, throughout my training I am sent home after 3 or 4 hours and this concerns me since I need the money (this wouldn't be so had I not gotten so used to things like oh, I dunno, a roof over my head, heat, food, etc.). So once again, I assume that once I get through training and am on my own that I will get more hours. Now you would think that after so many let-downs and it hasn't even been two weeks yet, that I would stop doing this to myself. Not only do I only get a maximum of 3 week day or night shifts, but then I have my entire weekend fucked up because they put me down for split shifts on Friday and Saturday. One more time, I assume that the weekends are going to be good tip nights so this doesn't really bother me - AT FIRST. Ok, if you have ever been in a popular restaurant on a weekend, you are bound to have noticed how busy it is. Well let me tell ya, there are 3 bartenders on duty and we can barely keep up with the drinks FOR THE WAIT STAFF. No one sits at the bar unless they are waiting for a table, which means, of course, no tips! I was informed by the Saturday afternoon bartender one day that he had a great tip day. Apparently, "great tip day" to him translates into $22.00 (and this is split between ALL bartenders on shift). This job is really losing its luster by this time. But besides all of that, every single person that works there is a complete and total stick in the mud! They are soooooooo serious about their job! I mean serious to the point of looking sideways at you and whispering to each other in the corner if they hear you laugh. Serious! A friend of mine came in one night and sat at the bar and we had a great time. We were laughing and telling jokes and just generally enjoying each other's company. You would think that we had just set someone on fire! A group gathered on the other side of the hostess podium.... confusion ensued. I even noticed a waitress with that confused dog posture, you know, with the head cocked to one side.... You would also think that in a place that names their sections things like "happy" and "celebrate" and even "laughter" that they would know what these strange sounds were and not be so frightened. But no, Red Lobster, as it turned out, contrary to what they would have you believe, frowns on laughter. True story, I once had a waitress toss out a slush I had made for a customer because it was "too slushy". My boss - who I had gone to high school with had been picked on a lot in those days and I think she was using her position of authority to make up for it, because she was one rugged bitch! It wasn't good enough for her to tell me that I needed to clean under the coolers. No, she came around with her little flashlight and made me get down on my hands and knees with her so she could point out every cherry, every olive, every straw and fruit sword on the floor. And believe me, she checked to make sure they were gone before I could leave for the night. In all fairness, there was one manager that was the world's fastest clapper. He is in the Guinness book of world records, no shit, for being able to clap something like 7 or 8 times a SECOND. Yep, this sure would break up the monotony! the guy's last name was French, and he insisted that everyone call him "toast". God, I could write a book. So when I started this job, I was promised a twenty five cent raise after 30 days. Well, my 30 days came and went and I was still waiting for my review so I could get my raise. Well when I finally got it, the only issue my boss had with my job performance was that I didn't attend enough "lobster talks" (oh, she was a stickler on lobster talks!!). These are basically a little impromptu meeting where all the employees are called together in the back kitchen and told what's new with the company and given little pop quizzes about the menu, etc. I guess I just wasn't showing enough enthusiasm for lobster talk, but I was assured that I would get my raise, retroactive to my 30 day anniversary. But it was not to be. For some odd reason, the general manager refused my and 2 other people's raises out of a total of 15 of us that started on the same date - I wasn't given an explanation. This was just the gentle little nudge I needed in order to re-think my career choice. I have a lot of office and managerial experience and I was just wasting it here on these clowns. So I started checking the want ads. Lo and behold, there was an advertisement for a place literally 5 blocks from my house that was once again advertising for office help. I had applied there before and gotten a "sorry" letter, but this time I got an interview. It was a Friday and I was scheduled at Red Lobster for that night. I got the job and didn't even call to let anyone know that I quit. I just laughed every time I got a message on the answering machine. The concern they claimed to have over my unexpected absence eventually turning into pure anger and insistance that I call immediately to explain. I was so utterly and completely happy not to have to go back to that hell-hole! So I started my new job that Monday and from the start it seemed I had finally found my place (but I assume once again). Everyone was so cool and I fit right in, but there was an underlying "thing" that I just couldn't put my finger on. No worries though, for "it" was about to rear its hideously ugly head.......... "It" calls itself Denise and it is the most conceited, self-centered queen bee I have ever encountered in my entire life. But, I have to have something to write about tommorrow so I will continue this later.